i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
