allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
