You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
