Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
