R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
