if i died would you start the facebook group?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This toilet bowl is my home.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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