I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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