chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
