I puked a lego.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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