shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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