My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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