i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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