I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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