Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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