he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so much tequila, so little girl.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
