3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
