Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
