At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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