I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Houston, we have a squirter
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
