FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
