she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
