Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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