May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
