I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
