i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
