Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
