i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
