alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
