I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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