I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
