i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
