i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
