Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
