He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
