i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ladies don't puke and tell
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
