Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
