Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
