Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
