I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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