CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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