It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
