I've blown a few things in my day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
