david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
