so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
how drunk are you?
Several
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
