I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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