I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
