Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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