Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
