Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
