the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
