You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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